wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
