what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's never too late to be topless.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
