I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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