You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
