I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
