I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
