Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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