im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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