I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
