I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize