I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
