I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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