She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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