Porn is love you can see.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
