did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
