By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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