Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
