Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You made out with two different species that night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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