you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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