Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
