Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
