Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
