Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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