Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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