Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
