my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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