you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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