We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
