Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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