I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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