you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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