Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
