i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
