I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
