What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
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