I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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