Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
