she told me i tasted like america
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
