what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
