the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
