by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
