No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
