I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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