I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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