whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
