His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
