What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize