Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
