LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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