I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
