If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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