Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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