You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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