I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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