i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
