Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
