I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
