True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
